A man was invited for dinner at a friends house.
Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her, "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc.
His friend looked at him and said, "That's really nice, after over 30 years of marriage, to keep using those little pet names."
The host replied, "Well, to be honest, I've forgotten her name."
An oldie but goodie.....
There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know which one to marry. So he decides to give each one 5000 pounds and see how each of them spends it.
The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much."
The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and gave them to the man. She says, "I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much."
The third one takes the 5000 pounds and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the 5000 pounds to the man and reinvests the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much."
The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money. Which one did he decide to marry ?
The one with the biggest tits of course.
Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"
Little Johnny waves his hand, "Me, miss, me, me!"
Teacher says "All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?"
Little Johnny says "Mas-tur-bate."
Teacher smiles and says "Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful."
Little Johnny says "No, miss, you're thinking of a blowjob. I'm talking about a wank."
A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.
"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."
The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech.
"And what if I swallow it?"
"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."