"Friends don't let friends take home ugly men"
---Women's restroom, Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE
Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?"
---Rest stop off Route 81, West Virginia
No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit.
---Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, North Carolina
To do is to be - Descartes
To be is to do - Voltaire
Do be do be do - Frank Sinatra
---Men's restroom, Greasewood Flats, Scottsdale, Arizona
Make love, not war.-Hell, do both, get married!
---Women's restroom, The Filling Station, Bozeman, Montana
A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.
---Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort, Dallas, Texas
Watch out for Gay Limbo Dancers
---Inside toilet stall door, Men's restroom
Express Lane: Five beers or less
---Sign over one of the urinals, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills, CA
You're too good for him.
---Sign over mirror in Women's restroom, Ed Debevics, Beverly Hill, CA
No wonder you always go home alone.
---Sign over mirror in Men's restroom, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills, CA
The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.
---Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL
If you voted for Clinton in the last election, you can't take a dump here. Your asshole is in Washington.
---Men's room Outback Steakhouse, Tacoma, Washington
Beauty is only a light switch away.
---Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, North Carolina.
I've decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standards.
---Houghton Library, Harvard University, Cambridge, Massachusetts.
If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives.
---Armand's Pizza, Washington, D.C.
God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?
---The Irish Times, Washington, D.C.
At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry.
---Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson, Arizona
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
---Written in the dust on the back of a bus, Wickenburg, Arizona.
If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
---Revolution Books, New York, New York
Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.
---Men's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL
What are you looking up on the wall for? The joke is in your hands.
---Men's restroom, Lynagh's, Lexington, KY