"Friends don't let friends take home ugly men"

---Women's restroom, Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE


 Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?"

---Rest stop off Route 81, West Virginia


 No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired  of putting up with her shit.

---Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, North Carolina


 To do is to be - Descartes

 To be is to do - Voltaire

 Do be do be do - Frank Sinatra

---Men's restroom, Greasewood Flats, Scottsdale, Arizona


 Make love, not war.-Hell, do both, get married!

---Women's restroom, The Filling Station, Bozeman, Montana


 A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles,  you're going to have trouble with it.

---Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort, Dallas, Texas


 Watch out for Gay Limbo Dancers

---Inside toilet stall door, Men's restroom


 Express Lane: Five beers or less

---Sign over one of the urinals, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills, CA


 You're too good for him.

---Sign over mirror in Women's restroom, Ed Debevics, Beverly Hill, CA


 No wonder you always go home alone.

---Sign over mirror in Men's restroom, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills, CA


 The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.

---Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL


 If you voted for Clinton in the last election, you can't take a  dump here.  Your asshole is in Washington.

---Men's room Outback Steakhouse, Tacoma, Washington


 Beauty is only a light switch away.

---Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, North Carolina.


 I've decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standards.

---Houghton Library, Harvard University, Cambridge, Massachusetts.


 If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's  all get wasted together and have the time of our lives.

---Armand's Pizza,  Washington, D.C.


 God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?

---The Irish Times, Washington, D.C.


 At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry.

---Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson, Arizona


 It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

---Written in the dust on the back of a bus, Wickenburg, Arizona.


 If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.

---Revolution Books, New York, New York


 Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.

---Men's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL


 What are you looking up on the wall for? The joke is in your hands.

---Men's restroom, Lynagh's, Lexington, KY