A South African, an Aussie and a Londoner were sitting in a pub having a pint of beer.
The South African gulps his beer downs it, tosses his glass into the air, draws a handgun and shoots the glass in mid-air. He grins to the other two, puts the gun down on the bar and says "In Souff Efrika we haf so many glasses wee nefer drrink out of the sam gless twice."
The Aussie then downs his beer throws his glass into the air, grabs the gun off the bar, shoots the glass, puts the gun back on the bar and proclaims "Ay mate, in Oz we have so much sand which makes glass really cheap so we too never drink out of the same glass twice."
The Londoner looks at the two of them, finishes his beer, puts the glass down on the bar, picks up the gun, shoots both the Aussie and the South African and says "In London we have so many South Africans and Aussies that we never have to drink with the same one twice."
A old timer was talking to a young man in a bar in Scotland:
"Lad, look out there to the field. Do ya see that fence? Look how well it's built. I built that fence stone by stone with me own two hands.
Piled it for months. But do they call me McGregor-the-Fence-Builder?
Then the old man gestured at the bar. "Look here at the bar. Do ya
see how smooth and just it is? I planed that surface down by me own achin' back. I carved that wood with me own hard labour, for eight days. But do they call me McGregor-the-Bar-builder? Nooo..."
Then the old man points out the window. "Eh, Laddy, look out to sea. Do ya see that pier that stretches out as far as the eye can see? I built that pier with the sweat off me back. I nailed it board by board. But do they call me McGregor-the-Pier-Builder? Nooo..."
Then the old man looks around nervously and mutters under his breath
"But you fuck one lousy goat . . . "