And now, for this year's illustrious winner(s): . . . drum roll . . .


John Pernicky and friend Sal Hawkins, of the great state of

Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the

Amphitheater at Gorge, Washington. Having no tickets (but 18 beers

among them) they sat in the parking lot, and after finishing the beer,

decided that it would be easy enough to hop over the nine-foot high

fence and sneak into the show. The two friends pulled their pickup

truck over to the fence and the plan was for John--100 pounds heavier

than Sal-to hop over, and then assist his friend over the fence.


Unfortunately for John, there was a 30 foot drop on the other side of

the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing

through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted by a large branch which

snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree, with one arm

broken, John looked down and saw a group of bushes below him. Figuring

the bushes would break his fall, John removed his pocket knife and

proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself from the tree. When

finally free, John crashed below into Holly bushes. The sharp leaves

scratched his entire body and now being without his shorts, he was the

unwilling victim of a holly branch penetrating his rectal cavity. To

make matters worse, his pocket knife proceeded to fall with him and

landed three inches into his left thigh.


Seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, Sal decided to throw

him a rope and pull him to safety. However, weighing about 100 pounds

less, he decided the best course of action would be to tie the rope to

the pickup truck. This is when things went from bad to worse. In his

drunken state, Sal put the truck into the wrong gear, pressed on the

gas, and crashed through the fence, landing on and killing his friend.

Sal was thrown from the truck, suffered massive internal injuries and

also died at the scene. Police arrived to find a pickup truck with its

driver thrown 100 feet from the vehicle and upon moving the truck, a

half naked man, with numerous scratches, a holly stick up his rectum,

a knife in his thigh, and a pair of shorts dangling from the tree

branches 25 feet in the air.